Our guest today is Bob Burg, co-author of the best-selling book series, The Go-Giver, and a sought-after speaker at company leadership and sales conferences. In this episode, we talk about how to resolve conflicts and the five secrets of genuine influence, in the context of leadership and relationships. If you want to learn how to master your emotions and bring value to other people’s lives, then this episode is for you.
The Nature Of Our Political Discourse
“If I think that I’m right and that you are evil, then understanding, thus productive communication, can never happen.”
Bob explains how the political discourse in many parts of the world has gone downhill in the last 20 years. We are feeling separated from the other “side” and think that we are right while the other side is evil. This is a very harmful way of thinking because it blocks open communication and the willingness to listen to each other.
The first step to solve this is to see the “other side” as having good intent just like us. We all have benevolent intents, apart from a handful of people who don´t, only our ideas are different.
The Five Secrets Of Genuine Influence
“It's only when we are in control of our own emotions, that we are in a position to take a potentially negative situation or person and turn it into a win for everyone involved.”
Bob shares five key principles to overcome conflict, create genuine understanding and influence others.
Master your Emotions. We are emotional creatures. Therefore don’t try to deny your emotions, but be aware of them, and be sure that you are in control of them rather than they being in control of you.
Step into the Other Person’s Shoes. Every person’s belief systems and unconscious operating systems are different. The best way to be able to “step into someone else’s shoes” is to ask questions and then genuinely listen with your entire being.
Set the Proper Frame. This is the foundation from which everything else evolves. Set the proper frame and you are most of the way to the results you want.
Communicate with Tact and Empathy. Tact is the ability to communicate an idea in such a way that a person, who ordinarily would not be receptive to that idea, is open to you.
Let Go of Having to Be Right. If we can lose the attachment to always being right, we can learn from the other and connect with them in a deeper way.
How To Start Practicing The Five Secrets
“Be internally motivated but externally focused.”
In order to start practicing genuine influence, Bob suggests constantly asking yourself the question - How can I bring value to other human beings?
Practice bringing value to others by keeping in mind that value is always in the eyes of the beholder. What is valuable to them?
Palma’s Reflection On Being Above Or Below The Line
The topic of mastering your emotions is a huge, if not lifelong topic and it starts with self-awareness. A big step towards increased self-awareness is mindfulness practice because by practicing mindfulness, we are confronted with our own emotions and we learn how to sit with them.
Another way to raise self-awareness is the concept called “Being below or above the line” . At any given point, we are all below or above the line and it fluctuates throughout our days, through our weeks and or our lives. The most important thing is not to always be above the line, but to know when we are below or above the line.
The easiest way to notice if you are below the line is when you feel closed, defensive, cynical, bored, or when you are really committed to being right. Above the line, you might feel joyful, peaceful, curious, inspired, open to learning, or you see many different possibilities.
Sometimes simply noticing that you have gone below the line can shift you to above the line. Sometimes what is required is to walk away, take a bearthing break, go for a brisk walk or do any activity that brings you joy.
Another practice that can be helpful is to practice loving-kindness meditation for your "opponent".
The second principle that Bob mentioned was the notion of putting yourself into the other person's shoes. This can be hard, but if you practice it and remember that hurt people hurt other people, amazing shifts can happen.
So this week, we invite you to experiment with the concept of being below or above the line and to practice loving-kindness meditation for the people that you have difficulty with in your life. And see what happens.
About Our Guest, Bob Burg
Bob Burg is a sought-after speaker at company leadership and sales conferences sharing the platform with everyone from today’s business leaders and broadcast personalities to even a former U.S. President.
Bob is the author of a number of books on sales, marketing and influence, with total book sales of well over a million copies. His book, The Go-Giver, coauthored with John David Mann, itself has sold over 975,000 copies and it has been translated into 29 languages.
His and John’s newest parable in the Go-Giver Series is The Go-Giver Influencer.
Bob is an advocate, supporter, and defender of the Free Enterprise system, believing that the amount of money one makes is directly proportional to how many people they serve. He is also an unapologetic animal fanatic and is a past member of the Board of Directors of Furry Friends Adoption, Clinic & Ranch in his town of Jupiter, Florida.
A special thanks to Bob Burg for taking the time to share his inspiring story with us.
Resources Mentioned In The Show:
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